Wednesday, May 30, 2007

The 500th Post: Joysticks

I have just sent this letter to Retro Gamer magazine:
Dear Retro Gamer,
I found Ian Waddell’s letter in Issue 38 fascinating. As an aspiring future politician and a prude, I share his disgust at the presence of pornography adverts in the magazine, but unlike Mr. Waddell, I am a realist. Although retro gaming is growing in popularity, it still and will always only appeal to a dedicated, but niche market. As such, publishing houses need revenue from whatever source is willing to provide it to subsidise the price of a non-mainstream gaming magazine. Keeping the cost of the magazine as low as possible during a time of rising inflation (curse that Stalinist jock Gordon Brown and his collaborators at the Bank of England) is more important to me than the inclusion of cover discs.
Like it or not, sex sells! Pornography and retro gaming both appeal most to 18-to-34-year-old male virgins called Adrian or Darren who have very little-to-no social lives away from the internet. Indeed, both are very similar to each other in the sense both require their enthusiasts to fiddle about with joysticks, imagining that what they are doing is better and more satisfying than is actually the case. If Mr. Waddell wants to boycott the magazine, then that is his prerogative, but all he is really achieving by his actions is cutting off his nose to spite his face.
Yours faithfully, C4' B.A. (Hons.)
P.S. Please, please, please do a feature on the original Warioland for the good old Game Boy? It is one of my favourite games and much better than the rubbish sequels.

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