Monday, February 26, 2007

A Short Story

Here is a short piece that I wrote yesterday. I hope you all enjoy it!
Here Without You: The Electric Dreams of C4'
By C4'
“Monster, wake up! Can you hear? MONSTER?!?” said a woman’s voice. Eventually, an old man’s eyes opened. When they did, he was startled. “Bob? Bob, is that you? What are you doing here?” A moment later, the old man realised that he was no longer at home. He had somehow woken up in the debating chamber of the House of Commons, sitting in front of the government ministers’ despatch box and dressed in his favourite all-black three-piece suit. “How did we get here?” the old man firmly asked the women. “Happy Birthday Monster!” the woman said, ignoring the old man’s question. “That doesn’t answer my question!” the old man replied, refusing to be sidetracked. “Does it really matter?” said another man’s voice. “What matters is that you get only one birthday a year and at your age, each one maybe your last!” the man continued.
“Charlie?” asked the old man. “Happy Birthday C4’! Many happy returns!!!” answered Charlie. “There are some more guests that want to pay their respects.” He continued. “Guests?” said C4’. “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” shouted a small crowd of friends at C4’. When C4’ saw them, his eyes were filled with tears of joy.
“Andy, how are you doing?” C4’ asked the first man he met from the crowd. “I’m very well thank you” Andy replied. “I see you’re looking as smart as always!” he continued. “Why thank you, and where is Oliver?” said C4’. “Here I am!” answered Oliver with his thick Welsh accent. “Ole!” exclaimed C4’. “I hope you’ve cut down on the joy juice?” he enquired teasingly. “Yes I have, I’m now down to fourteen bottles of gin a day.” Oliver quipped back with a jolly sincerity. “Only fourteen? That’s practically being sober for you!” joked C4’. “Yes it is, its something of a shock to my body and mind.” responded Oliver. “I have something for you C4’.” he went on to say before producing a dirty beer glass. “I got this at the time of the party conference in Bournemouth. David Cameron had a little tipple from it and I would like you to have from me as I still have the one from IDS when we went on the march.” Oliver said. “Thank you Oliver!” responded C4’ before he moved on to talk to another acquaintance. “Remember me C4’?” said a second woman. “Of course I do Joanne!” replied C4’.
“How’s your poor body?” Joanne asked. “My left elbow is rather sore!” answered C4’. “I didn’t expect to see you again. How’s your little girl?” he continued. “She’s fine, she’s wonderful. Here, have this!” said Joanne as she handed C4’ a red and white bikers’ bandana. “Happy birthday!” she proclaimed to him. C4’ was delighted with Joanne’s present. “Thank you Joanne, I’ve always wanted one of these.” Said an enthusiastic C4’ as wrapped the bandana around his forehead. “I look like the Undertaker now!” he added. “I’m glad you like it.” said Joanne as another man shouted to C4’. “Tom!” shouted C4’, “How are things?” “Fine; happy birthday.” responded Tom as C4’ continued to circulate through this small crowd of his friends.
Eventually, C4’ made a short address to his associates from the speaker’s chair. “Order, order!” he began jokingly, causing his audience to laugh. “I’d like to thank all of you for being here today. I really am very touched. Being here in this august chamber with all of you is the best birthday present I have ever had. I have really enjoyed myself and I hope you all have as well. Again, thank you all very much.” The group all applauded C4’ when he had finished his brief speech. Some in the crowd then started chants of “C-4’! C-4! C-4!”, which C4’ himself clearly relished because it made him feel alive and full of confidence and energy. The chanting gave C4’ a sense of purpose and mission; that he was put on this earth by God to achieve a great and historic goal that would make the world a better to live in when he finally does pass away than it was when he entered it.
Suddenly, C4’s ego trip was brought to a halt by a familiar and unwelcome figure at the entrance to the Commons chamber. “Excuse me, but what are you doing? None of you are supposed to be here!” said Tony Blair. Before Blair could continue to speak, everyone in the chamber could hear a strange noise. This sound grew louder with each passing second until a blue police box appeared in the chamber from nowhere – it was the TARDIS itself! Shortly after the noise from the engine of the TARDIS had finished, the doors of the world’s most famous blue police box opened and a rather large puppy dog sprinted out of it and savagely attacked Blair with its teeth. Both C4’ and Joanne recognised the animal, it was actor Billie Piper’s dog Bear. Blair’s screams of pain and agony were like music to C4’s ears as Bear continued to tear the Prime Minister to sheds. When Blair’s torment was brought to an end by his death, Bear reverted into a seemingly harmless, friendly and adorable puppy. “Come here Bear!” C4’ told the dog, who rushed over to the old man. “There’s a god dog!” said C4’ to Bear as he got down on his left knee to pat and stroke the killer puppy. As C4’ played with Bear, the old man heard another loud noise. It was the sound of an alarm!
“Ah no!” said an annoyed and disappointed C4’ to himself. “This is all a bloody dream!” he finished before he woke up!

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