Earlier today, I saw an advertisement from the BBC requesting people to submit their ideas for the new series of one of my favourite Radio Four shows, Dave Gorman's Genius. Never one to pass up a golden opportunity for self-advancement like this, I submitted this politically incorrect but brilliant Genius idea:
Sending chavs abroad to fight our wars.
My Genius idea is to send Britain's chavs abroad to fight in Iraq, Afghanistan and other trouble-spots. This would kill three birds with one stone as not only would it cut crime at home, but the chavs and Al-Qaeda would also wipe-out each other on the desert battlefields.
My Genius idea would save taxpayers billions as chavs wouldn't need uniforms (they're already instantly recognisable by their hooded tops, Burberry and fake bling), high-tech weaponry (as most chavs already carry their own guns, knives, baseball bats and broken beer bottles) or training (as they spend hundreds of hours playing Grand Theft Auto IV and Halo 3 on their X-Box 360s and kill each other for real on the streets).
We could even sell our chavs' services to foreign powers such the United States in their quest to invade Iran, Syria and North Korea in order to bring in some extra revenue for the government.
In conclusion, chavs are cheap, expendable cannon fodder. They would obey orders without question because chavs are either drunk, high on drugs, stupid or all three. It would cut crime at home while simultaneously providing our enemies with an inexhaustible supply of violent, fearless and beer-soaked infidels from council-housing estates to eliminate during their martyrdom missions. The only costs that would be incurred by my Genius idea would be transportation and the government subsiding free beer for chavs to consume at recruitment events across Britain’s council-housing estates.